Yesterday morning i took my morning pills and was feeling ok, i went for my daily zapping but was feeling quite good. I met my case worker cancer nurse after my zapping for a quick meeting. She is a lovely nurse and very helpful. We discussed a few things and all was fine: after the meeting with my case worker we went to a support group for other people with my predicament shall we say. Oh my god! I was a little nervous to go at first, but i got to the room and we all sat and had coffee and biscuits and was having a laugh and joke about things before we started the group meeting. everyone was a lot older than me which did not make me feel bad but did make me feel a little uneasy i guess. I was quite relaxed, then we started the meeting; my case worker and another nurse were there to host the meeting. We went around the room and everyone introduced themselves and relayed their story to the rest of the group. Well my heart must have broke into a thousand pieces at least once, the stories were so sad, i thought oh shit, im just starting out and i have to go through that shit! I nearly cried at a few of the stories it was unbelieveable what some of the peole went through. Everyone's story is different but the underlying road is the same. I have that horrid road to tred and i am not looking forward to it, it really hit me yesterday, the reality of what i have and the consequences, the outcome, the pain and heartache is really yet to come. I will have to make some very harsh, decisive and unalterable decisions in the quite near future. Last night when i got home I was not miserable but just thoughtful, a few tears quietly fell down my cheeks when i had a few moments to myself, not because i felt sorry for myself but for the sheer reality and possible outcomes that i face.
Well today is another day and i have to be positive. I have taken my morning chemo pills and other pills for side effects. I have to go for another zapping today at a different hospital than i normally go to and its quite late so we will be going for a meal or something after as its been a tough week and we both need a little time to unwind.
Will update later about the rest of the day. Have a good day whoever and wherever you are!!!
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