Its been a while now ...

A long time since i have written here, its just been a time of reflection, stress and trying to get over the initial treatment. My next stage is now about to begin, more hospital appointments with the specialist at the hospital over the next few weeks.

First is the oncologist appointments to see how well my initial treatment went and to explain the next steps, then the surgeon to explain the surgery that i need, then the plastic surgeon to tell me how the reconstrucive surgery will need to be done.

The next stage will be the toughest, the operation then six months of chemotherapy, not just the physical changes that i have to deal with but also the mental changes, will have to think differently too. Home life will have to change as well as there is a lot of stress that i dont need around my life and dont think i could handle everything at same time.

I will post more as time goes on, keep tuning in and when i have the op i shall be posting daily again.

Day thirty two

Well its daythirty two, only  four days left of this inital round of treatment. How happy am i that it is coming to an end, i am all washed up, burnt and slightly emotionally drained although i try not to show it, it has been a hard slog for me. Sometimes i have sat and cried when on my own, not because i feel sorry for myself but just because of what is happeneng and what is to come. The time gets closer to the time my life changes forever, will never been the same mo again; physically different permanently after the operation, mentally who knows, for a long time i will not be the same old mo i know that for sure. Its something i have no control over so its something i just have to learn to accept, to live with, to exist with, to co-exist with, however one wishes to put it; i am not looking forward to the next cycle of treatment. 

Well off to get another zapping today: have to take my pills soon so will update later as to how the day went. 

Have a good day my dear blog readers!

Day Saturday

Well its Saturday and i had to go to hospital this morning, the new painkillers they gave me yesterday are not as goood for the pain but they dont have side effects like the others.

Pain still bad and still very tired but the sun is shining and i will spend some time in my garden today.

Will add soemthing later if i can stay awake!!!

Day something or other

Well had another bad day yesterday, got some new pain killers from the doctor. I took some yesterday morning and they made me high, drowsy and sleepy. I took some more at around lunchtime and the same happened. They are really good painkillers and i hd relief from the pain for the first time for a few weeks. The thing about them was i took some before bed, i was really tired anyway but these made me go to sleep quite fast. About 1am i woke up thinking i was going to die, every few minutes i would get a strange feeling almost like a hot flush running throiugh my body and my arms were tingling. I got out of bed afterabout 15 mins or more and was very unbalanced on my feet and made my way down stairs for some water. I had to sit down on my sofa for about an hour just to make myself feel a bit better. I then went back to bed about 3am or so; i fell to sleep quite quickly again and this morning woke at 6.30 and got up at 7.30. I feel a bit better today but i shall not take those pills again and shall tell my cancer nurse today what happened.

On Tuesday my weekly meeting with the senior radiologist was helpful as always. She gave me some antiseptic and pain relief liquid in a syringe type thing. I used it yesterday and it was very good, i am not sure whether it was the strong pain killers or the syringe or both but i have just applied some more now and hopefully i will feel same as yesterday without the awful effects of the pain killing drugs.

Well off for my daily zapping later: stay tuned and enjoy my blog :)

Day whatever...

Well its been a while since i have updated my blog, over a week and i have lost count of the days.
I have been for my daily zappings and have been in real pain, it quite bad, find it hard to sit down comfortably and its very hard to toilet properly, like sh*tting razor blades to be truthful. Been quite tired too so have not really bothered with this.

The radiologist and people says my health is quite good considering, my blood levels are all normal, so in that respect all is going ok. Been out to scoialise a couple of times, being at home all the time is driving me mad, always things that i should be doing but never bother to get off my sore ass to do anything.

Strange thoughts, strange dreams, realisation et al, it all gets one a little down sometimes. have to take one stage at a time or it will drtive me even madder.

Off for my zapping again today so will update later and normal service will resume tomorrow.

Day fifteen

Well today was just another day, tired, hospital, pills, pain .....

Day eleven

Well what a day, woke up late and took my chemo slightly later than i should have done.  Felt slighly groggy this morning and a bit grumpy. A rather uneventful day really, my radiotherapy was very late at 1840. I left my home at 16.30 and was still late, it took me two hours to travel on the bus, the traffic was really bad and the us changed destination half way through so i had to pay twice as well, really annoying when your stuck on a smelly bus for hours and you have to pay twice to do it. Got to hospital and had my radiotherapy, i felt a little pain but nothing too much. felt a bit nauseous in the evening so took some of my anti-sick pills, had a meal and my evening chemo. Watched a film then bed.

Tomorrow, the same i guess, woopiieeee!