Day fifteen

Well today was just another day, tired, hospital, pills, pain .....

Day eleven

Well what a day, woke up late and took my chemo slightly later than i should have done.  Felt slighly groggy this morning and a bit grumpy. A rather uneventful day really, my radiotherapy was very late at 1840. I left my home at 16.30 and was still late, it took me two hours to travel on the bus, the traffic was really bad and the us changed destination half way through so i had to pay twice as well, really annoying when your stuck on a smelly bus for hours and you have to pay twice to do it. Got to hospital and had my radiotherapy, i felt a little pain but nothing too much. felt a bit nauseous in the evening so took some of my anti-sick pills, had a meal and my evening chemo. Watched a film then bed.

Tomorrow, the same i guess, woopiieeee!

Day nine / day Ten

I forgot to enter my blog yesterday so i will do two days today or my dates will be out of sync.

Day nine:
Took my chemo as normal at 0700, was feeling a bit nauseaus but only slightly. Was feeling my usual tiredness but thats getting normal now. The weather doesn't help much as it is always rainy and cold here so its not like i can go for a walk.
The afternoon came for my medication and i was feeling very nauseaus, i took my aftrnoon pills and soe anti-nausea pills to counteract the chemo. They sure did help.
I went to the hospital for my daily zapping, the usual not very different from any other zapping except there has been a lot of blood around so was worried about the radiologist noticing something that i had not cleaned properly.

After my zapping i saw the senior radiologist to ensure all was running normally with the radiology, we had a half hour discussion about, my blood which she said was surprisingly normal as usually people have a small abnormality. The effects or the radioation which was normal and she explained about things that might be happening with my body by end of week.

After this i went for my weekly blood test, this is something i hate, i know its only a little prick but i hate the feeling of that needle going in, i dont know how junkies like to do it so much, i will stick to being an alcohol junkie thanks.

In the evening i settled down with a can of beer and watch the excellent Chelsea v Barc game, and what a game :D

Day ten:

Just another shitty day !!

Day eight

Well went to Guys today for my zapping, was early in the day so had to leave early and travel throught the rush hour which was not as bad as i thought it would be. Woke up a little groggy at 0630 but did not get up until a little later so took my morning chemo a little late too.

Went for zapping and then came home, the treatment is starting to piss me off now, only day 8 but seems like day 88. :(

Took my evening chemo at 1900, just feeling a little tired, it was st georges day and was going to take a trip out but did not feel fit enough to go.

I just wish it was all over and not really happening.

Day Six / Day Seven

Well just having the weekend, been tiring all week and just resting. Went to end of my road to watch themarathon this morning and now waiting for my Sunday dinner. The chemo has made me very tired both yesterday and today. This morning when i woke up it felt like i had a hangover from hell, but i had no drink. Apparently its the chemo hangover, they are bad, it took me at least 15 minutes to move after i sat up whereas i normally bolt out of bed. Oh well they say it will get worse next week, woopie, more fun!Well not really much else to say except i hope eveyone had a good weekend and shall update tomorrow after my radiotherapy session.

Day five

Well, yesterday was real heavy!!! I could not write on my blog yesterday as i was so upset, confused, dejected and whatever other adjective you want to use.

Yesterday morning i took my morning pills and was feeling ok, i went for my daily zapping but was feeling quite good. I met my case worker cancer nurse after my zapping for a quick meeting. She is a lovely nurse and very helpful. We discussed a few things and all was fine: after the meeting with my case worker we went to a support group for other people with my predicament shall we say. Oh my god! I was a little nervous to go at first, but i got to the room and we all sat and had coffee and biscuits and was having a laugh and joke about things before we started the group meeting. everyone was a lot older than me which did not make me feel bad but did make me feel a little uneasy i guess. I was quite relaxed, then we started the meeting; my case worker and another nurse were there to host the meeting. We went around the room and everyone introduced themselves and relayed their story to the rest of the group. Well my heart must have broke into a thousand pieces at least once, the stories were so sad, i thought oh shit, im just starting out and i have to go through that shit! I nearly cried at a few of the stories it was unbelieveable what some of the peole went through. Everyone's story is different but the underlying road is the same. I have that horrid road to tred and i am not looking forward to it, it really hit me yesterday, the reality of what i have and the consequences, the outcome, the pain and heartache is really yet to come. I will have to make some very harsh, decisive and unalterable decisions in the quite near future. Last night when i got home I was not miserable but just thoughtful, a few tears quietly fell down my cheeks when i had a few moments to myself, not because i felt sorry for myself but for the sheer reality and possible outcomes that i face.

Well today is another day and i have to be positive. I have taken my morning chemo pills and other pills for side effects. I have to go for another zapping today at a different hospital than i normally go to and its quite late so we will be going for a meal or something after as its been a tough week and we both need a little time to unwind. 

Will update later about the rest of the day. Have a good day whoever and wherever you are!!!

Day four

I will update tomorrow as i dont feel like it now.

Day three

Well, woke at normal time of 0630; had some breakfast and coffee, at 0700 took my morning chemo of 3x500mg tabs and some anti-effect tabs. Feel a bit more awake than yesterday, i had to sleep yesterday: although i feel tired today and only been up for 3 hours i dont want to sleep. My idea is that only lazy or old people sleep in the afternoon but i cant help it and i get annoyed that i am so tired allt he time.

Found out yesterday that all my blood levels are normal, no liver problems, no blood infections, no hepatitas infections, no hiv infections and no alcohol in bloodstream. Wait a minute, no alcohol in bloodstream, thats not normal, oh doctor whats wrong with me! Maybe a pint of guiness at the weekend will put it back to normal :) i wonder if i could get guiness on prescription?

Today I have some counselling at Guys hospital for an hour, this is a 'coping with it therapy'. I then have to go to st thomas's hospital for my daily zapping. Its hard to be motivated to do anything really, i have quite a bit of time on my hands and i could be doing so much but i just cant be bothered. Maybe when the first week is over i will make more use of my time. Have a good day everyone and i will update later!

Went to the cousellors today for a chat before my zapping. was just a chat to see what they could do for me and what i would get from them. The session lasted 50 mins and was quite helpful. After the session i went for my radiotherapy zapping. Was ok and just the same as all weeks except my bum got a bit chilly as the room seemed cold ;) Its like doing a jigsaw every day, repetitive and dont seem to have any relevance although it does, you dont feel anything when you get zapped, its just the process. After being zapped today though i did need the toilet rather urgent and then again about 5 mins later, i did think i was going to wee myself on the second time.

Just had my evening chemotherapy and going to have some food, take it easy for the rest of the night and watch the football; then go to bed and do the same all over again tomorrow, woopppiee doo! Good night all. 

Day Two

Woke up my usual 0630 this morning, had some coffe and cereal at 0645. At 0700 took my cheno tabs 3x500mg and one for some side effects; by the time 830 came i was so tired again i fell asleep on my sofa, woke up at 1000. Feeling really really tired today, dont know if it is the weather and because i just woke but i feel drained at the moment. I have to go to hospital later for my second treatment of radiotherapy. Will update later what happens, have a good day all!.

Well, had my second radiotherapy zap! its rather uneventful really, just a pain to have to travel for one hour to hospital, then wait for half hour or more whilst the fluid goes through body then 15 minutes zap, then one hour or more back again through rush hour. Its the only way to do it i suppose. Took my evening chemo and some anti-effect drugs. Went to play chess at my local club, could not concentrate and felt really tired. Went to bed about 10 o'clock and fell asleep rather quickly.

Start of full treatment

Today is the day I start my full course of treatment, this is the day i have been dreading for a while now.

This morning at 0700 I took my three 500mg Chemo tablets and I took an anti-sickness pill too, just in case I would be sick. The on duty oncologist confirmed it would be a good idea to do this. The pills have made me feel a little light headed, its hard to say really but I think they have or it could just be due to anxiety; I really am not sure. I have to leave for my radiotherapy session soon : they said that the radiotherapy would take about a week to kick in and i would feel the effects. I have to keep a close eye on my temperature too, if it goes below 36 or above 37.5 i have to ring the hospital oncologist straight away, so I shall recored my temperature when i take my pills again later. I took it this morning and it was 35.7 but tat was before i took my pills and was probably due to it being so cold. I will make a further update later when I return from radio treatment and after I take my evening pills.

I think this is when I will start to feel things worse now, we shall see.

Picked up my Chemotherapy tablets

I have not posted for a while as have just had routine checks and been too tired.

Yesterday I went to pick up my Chemotherapy tablets. Well i thought it was just them but i walked out with a carrier bag full of pills. 5 different pills to counteract the side effects of the chemo, i have to take 3 chemo tabs twice a day and then the others for side effects. A lot!!!

I felt a bit down yesterday after picking up my tabs, i thought oh no not all those tabs. I felt like it was the beginning of the end. I actually sat and trhought about just taking them all with a bottle of water i bought. I got a little drunk and was not thinking clearly, it was just a thought as i was drunk and a bit down. I should not really be drinking as the doctor said the cheno tabs will weaken my liver and drink on top could cause more problems with my liver as it would be weakened already from the pills.

I had a nice long sleep today and now feel a little better but with a slight groggy head.

Went for my radiotherpay mappings

Yesterday I went for my mapping for my radiotherapy. I was put on the machine and they basically lined me all up and ensured that i was in the correct position etc. They then made three small marks on my body which the lasers find to guide the radio beams. It all only lasted around 15 mins in all but that bit is over now. I was given my timetable for the start of the sessions and thankfully they are all in the same hospital as they could have been in different ones.

I am getting quite tired during the day, dont know if it is inactivity or just this damn cancer and blood loss that is causing it but i just nod off sometome for no reason. Also in a little pain at times and finding it hard to sit for long periods.

Met some old friends last night and had a good catchup. Time flies so quickly; its been about 11 years since we first met at a job i was on, only seems like yesterday.